a lesson on courage

Of late the recurring message I have been receiving from random places and different people is to take courage.

You know so many times the Bible says be strong and of good courage? I heard that that statement or its like has been repeated 365 times in the Bible so as to tell you to take courage every day. However I have never actually applied it to me, literally. I have been encouraging people to stand up and be courageous and go for their dreams without actually knowing what I am saying. For all the leadership opportunities I have had and friendships I have, I have learnt the strength of listening and you just do not know how much you can learn from just listening to someone speak. Anyway to come back to what I was saying, it is from many of those conversations that I have learnt how bold or not bold people are. How we are so stuck in our little worlds and comfort zones we just do not know how to get out of them

Recently I attended a women’s conference at Hillsong church (Cape Town) called the pre-color Conference and it featured these ordinary women who gave their powerful life testimonies as to how God has used them and what lessons they had learnt through the hard times in their lives and how much stronger they are because of all that

that was how the church was decorated outside

 And the theme was ‘courage’. The pastor then spoke about how we are to be courageous and daring. Not conforming or just going with the flow but to step out and grab what God has for us with both hands. Again and again, the same message has been re-echoed by my friends, some meetings I have attended and through the Word of God. No one who I read about, lived a ‘normal’ life and expected to make a difference. Whining about situations never changes anything, actually it creates bitterness and a sense of expectation that things should be done for you that is very false. I have learnt that being courageous does not necessarily mean that I should go to the president’s office and make a statement, it basically means that in my daily life, in the clothes I chose to wear, the places I go to, how I talk to people, my thinking pattern all have to be freed by the muzzle that has been placed there by society, by family and most of all by myself.

One thing I have noticed of many many students in the places I studied is that they fail to voice out their opinion in class or wherever because they have a s elf-censoring mechanism. You think to yourself of all the reactions you could possibly get, and that someone else knows so why should you speak out or that you would be exposing yourself to unwanted attention and so many things. And therefore you don’t speak at all. Moreover, arguments and going contrary to what everyone else thinks is considered taboo. Now this form of thinking is what I used to have, right before I came to Cape Town where the administration tells you to critique the system and question the university and all the status quos around you. Do not conform. Contrast this with UCU a university where I did my undergrad and the moment we wanted to protest against the unfair fee system in place, a notice was issued by the Vice Chancellor that anyone daring to protest will be immediately expelled… it is as different as day is from night.

Today I was talking to one of my professors and they were telling me I need to develop a back bone and not be a passive receiver. I was shocked. How did I reach a place where the impression I give someone is that I cannot push back? Where is the spunk and the critical mind I used to have? Where is ‘Mary quite contrary’? Then I realized that while I thought I was living a perfect life, not being critical or criticized by anyone, I was killing that person who God had created. I was dousing and drowning out the real me to give way to a person who I thought was more socially acceptable.

I then learnt the lesson that in order to make a difference you need to ‘think bold’. Remove the muzzle you have in your mind.

I have learnt that comfort zones can be what your culture expects of you, what you think God expects from you, religious norms, family expectations, relationships, friendships and so on. As I learnt that the relationship I was in was pulling me down. It wasn’t the guy. It was my thinking. The idea that an African woman should be subservient to the man and respect all his wishes and whatever infusion to their future that she might have should be minimal and made in passing. In that way I killed all my dreams and visions single handedly. And now, that I am out, I have just realized how big the world is. It’s like a blind fold taken off and I can see color and beauty and opportunity. As for me, I realized that once I got out of some things and left a certain way of life of doing the expected and socially approved, I could do exploits. And y’all just watch the space.

The change I want to see, is beginning with me. 

Muizeberg &Kalk Bay

Had an action packed weekend.. Saturday I went to 2 beaches with two of my friends… we went to Muizenberg and Kalk Bay… and all I can tell you apart from the fishy smell (literally) at Kalk Bay and the bartenders who engaged in a 30 minute conversation with us after us telling them we wanted juice… it was peaceful and a sleepy little town. Muizenberg was beautiful and windy.. veeeery windy..

Photos speak more.....

i liked the car! very unique won't you say?

Kalk Bay-- the kids (see the legs)... were feeding the seals fish

hahah... now this is a photo i just couldnt find a fitting caption for

i must say... though they dont have juice and eventually we had to go away, their bartenders were very sociable! i mean half an hour worth of conversation with strangers who aren't going to buy a single drink from you?

the seals again.... really this place, apart from having a very strong smell of fish, was serene

a train! yaaay! and the amount of graffiti on the train is just... wow!

Muizenberg... a lil piece of heaven

Sunday, had 5 Tanzanian friends come over… it was such a beautiful time. I cooked home food (Pilau, Coconut beans, chicken curry, greens) and ordered some chapatti… delish! I am home away from home

for the fact that almost all photos of this event have peoples faces in them.. im posting  just one

see the food at the food at the window sill? might not look as much but God multiplied it and there was even some left overs :)

kwa wabongo wenzangu

Katika pita pita zangu huku bondeni, nimegundua kitu kimoja, wabongo jamani wameloea huku.. mh mpaka najiskia aibu...ukitembea tu kidogo.. unakisikia kiswahili kileee cha nyumbani.. wengi wanakaa tu kwenye vigenge na kupiga story zisizo na maana.. najiuliza swali.. sasa kama familia kule nyumbani zinawategemea; ndugu na jamaa wanasema kwamba kijana wetu bwana yuko kule ng'ambo akitafuta maisha na atatusaidia... kijana mwenyewe ndiye huyu ninayemuona hapa ambae kweli hata kujishughulisha, hajishughulishi...inakuweje? yaani natamani ningewakalisha semina miwape somo moja hilo! mbaya zaidi ninaambiwa nisije nikathubutu kufikiri kwamba wabongo wote marafiki zangu.. ndiyo siku kila nlichokibeba kitatolewa mikononi mwangu na maisha yangu kuwa hatarini.. mh kweli Mungu atusaidie... mara nyingi tunaisema serikali yetu na kuilaumu lakini kwa hawa huku je? inabidi tubadilishe mawazo yetu.. tuache fikra duni na hasi tufanye kazi kwa bidii na kuacha uvivu na ulegevu. badiliko linaanza na wewe...

to Joe

oh and a special thank you to Joe who im sure will be the first (perhaps only) reader of my blog ;)

Okay so after the first day of classes (or rather after my first class)

Okay so after the first day of classes (or rather after my first class)

Things I have noted

It’s much much better to be post grad than to be in undergrad. Sure the work is intense and stuff you are expected to do is a lot but generally doing what you love is a great thing.

Just started with refugees and human rights and I am supposed to do some reading. There was some interesting chemistry going on in class what with us having a professor as one of the students now grilling our course coordinator who is another professor... really interesting. And the same professor-student making sweeping statements about Zambia not being welcoming to Refugees and the Zambian in our class getting up in arms defending her country... eh it was hot! So we are like 5 blacks: 2 Tanzanians (I know! I was amazed too… she is married to a Burundian refugee and so is in south Africa as a refugee as well), 1 Kenyan, 1 Zimbabwean, 1 Zambian... and the rest of the 11 people class were white persons from Australia, Denmark, Germany, USA, 2 south Africans and the like. So we have a very diverse class and frankly I love it… very challenging—prima facie—but I’m looking forward to learning more of a topic I wasn’t so familiar with and contributing new knowledge to the class.

We have a course outline but are expected to do more than just follow it and read the expected readings. We do not have an exam at the end but rather a 5000 word essay and seminar presentations, a test and class contributions so as u can guess I am trying to speak up but u can be assured I do not want to make sweeping statements and stuff that just makes you sound ignorant. So I’m watching what I say, in a nice way though and not overly vetting my thoughts.

We have books that we are supposed to read, articles, cases (btw I volunteered to present a case on class next week), legislations and so forth. I’m actually happy we are doing a comparison of the south African law (albeit not so much) but just generally I am happy coz knowing about another place gives you a broader understanding of the situation back at home and a good place to learn the successes and failures of other countries so you can use them to develop your own. 

The library is great! The librarians are helpful. They do have a reserve section where you are only allowed a book for 3 hours (depicts how stressful it can be) but the library is quiet, nice, good chairs, ample space and many computers so you just take your pick.

I am thinking of signing up for dance classes. And today is the trial run.... so that is why despite the fact that I am in sore need of going home and sitting on my nice table and chair, I am still here writing this journal and waiting for 5 o’clock to tick. Thing is dance is the furthest I’ll ever get to exercising, I have come to realize that and I want to enjoy that. **************was here a couple of minutes ago, I hadn’t seen him in a while—since last year July... so it was good catching up. Anyway to get back to the story, he told me to sign up with his supervisor who goes hiking every Sunday morning..eh! me I just told him an outright no. I am not interested. But now I’m having second thoughts.. I might die of diabetes and pressure if I don’t start taking care of my body.. but to console myself, dancing is baby steps  and its fun! (or so I hope) and will help me forget completely about school and law. Which is a great thing altogether.

Other than that, cheers!

Gotta read a chapter of a book to make up for the past, then read 2 more chapters for next week, cases, articles, etc etc.. all part of mandatory-[primary reading.

Bye


the ************* are in place of a name.. cant be divulging other peoples without their consent names now can we?

2-17th Feb. 14

So, I know that it has not become common to have a travel blog... well mine isn’t a travel blog. At least not literally since I will be here for the next 11 months. It is technically a living away blog.

So I have now completed 2 weeks of staying in Cape Town and my oh my... the place is ab-so-lutely beautiful! The mountain and the beach, and the oceans and the people, the buildings, the weather… it’s great!

Places I’ve been to so far... Long street J(last night), Camps Bay, Sea Point, Claremont-Rondebosch, Obz (Where I live), Milnerton… I have decided that I want to explore and I must say I have done quite a bit. The University itself is just breathtaking---in terms of physical appearance. The location. And the history itself is quite rich (my faculty is built on a slave grave yard)

Its more so very interesting to live in a place so full of diversity but so young.... in that it has just been 20 years since the end of Apartheid... indeed the lecturers, preachers and everyone really is still on a phase of moving on...  wouldn’t say that the Apartheid effects are long gone.. I think they are very much there and it will take a long while to get them out.

The people are very race conscious and it is my opinion that blacks are more racist than whites. A friend explained this to me and said...it is much easier for the oppressor to ‘forgive’ and forget than for the oppressed. I also learnt that the dropout rate from university is alarming! An international student told me that the blacks who were in their class at the end of the course were only Africans from other countries and the natives dropped out along the way.

It’s interesting that there are places where seeing a black person is as rare as seeing a dog laughs... I guess it has a lot to do with the cultures we grew up in? Camps Bay for one is a place where my friend and I were the only blacks present in a beach packed to capacity... the only other black person was a lady living benath a rock at the beach who left the place after a few minutes of our arrival. Cafés and other ‘white’ place also its very rare finding blacks.

There is a sense of camaraderie among the black people. When I walk around in town and even here at the university, whenever I meet a black person, they will start my talking to me in their mother tongue…. And continuing until I speak in English telling them I do not understand whereupon their countenance falls and they become suspicious… so I should better my statement and say there is a sense of camaraderie amongst the South African blacks.

I cannot fail to speak about sexual orientation when it is such a glaring aspect of Cape Town... there is absolute ‘freedom’ in expression of physical love whether hetero or homo. This was such a big shock to me especially coming from Tanzania and Uganda where the topic is not only taboo but finding two men kissing on the road is as rare as seeing a hen’s teeth. So you can be assured that adjusting to that, will take time.

None the less, Cape Town is sooooo diverse! The nationalities, races, colors that I have seen here make the statement that Arusha is an international city ring false.

The weather is good… alternating from very warm to mildly warm so summer wear is in stock now...

I have a church that I go to... called His People Church... it meets at Baxter Theatre which is near UCT and has amazing services. I thank God for that.

First impression on Cape Town… I love it!

the beginning

So you see the reason as to why i created this blog and not consolidate it with the weaver-s.blogspot.com is that this is not about cooking.. rather its a journal.. with photos :) that shows my walk.. yes.. i am selfish.. it is about me and what i experience... but its very open for all to see.. :)

it might be one of those blogs that people don't ever visit.. like at all. but that is very fine.. after all i am a private person and this is my attempt at becoming more outgoing and doing something worthwhile with the loads of experiences i have been graced to be going through.

this comes in a time where i am at school.. University of Cape Town doing my LLM in Human Rights and this is an account of how it goes.. fingers crossed.. it will be an excellent stay in Jesus' Name..
Amen :)