a lesson on courage

Of late the recurring message I have been receiving from random places and different people is to take courage.

You know so many times the Bible says be strong and of good courage? I heard that that statement or its like has been repeated 365 times in the Bible so as to tell you to take courage every day. However I have never actually applied it to me, literally. I have been encouraging people to stand up and be courageous and go for their dreams without actually knowing what I am saying. For all the leadership opportunities I have had and friendships I have, I have learnt the strength of listening and you just do not know how much you can learn from just listening to someone speak. Anyway to come back to what I was saying, it is from many of those conversations that I have learnt how bold or not bold people are. How we are so stuck in our little worlds and comfort zones we just do not know how to get out of them

Recently I attended a women’s conference at Hillsong church (Cape Town) called the pre-color Conference and it featured these ordinary women who gave their powerful life testimonies as to how God has used them and what lessons they had learnt through the hard times in their lives and how much stronger they are because of all that

that was how the church was decorated outside

 And the theme was ‘courage’. The pastor then spoke about how we are to be courageous and daring. Not conforming or just going with the flow but to step out and grab what God has for us with both hands. Again and again, the same message has been re-echoed by my friends, some meetings I have attended and through the Word of God. No one who I read about, lived a ‘normal’ life and expected to make a difference. Whining about situations never changes anything, actually it creates bitterness and a sense of expectation that things should be done for you that is very false. I have learnt that being courageous does not necessarily mean that I should go to the president’s office and make a statement, it basically means that in my daily life, in the clothes I chose to wear, the places I go to, how I talk to people, my thinking pattern all have to be freed by the muzzle that has been placed there by society, by family and most of all by myself.

One thing I have noticed of many many students in the places I studied is that they fail to voice out their opinion in class or wherever because they have a s elf-censoring mechanism. You think to yourself of all the reactions you could possibly get, and that someone else knows so why should you speak out or that you would be exposing yourself to unwanted attention and so many things. And therefore you don’t speak at all. Moreover, arguments and going contrary to what everyone else thinks is considered taboo. Now this form of thinking is what I used to have, right before I came to Cape Town where the administration tells you to critique the system and question the university and all the status quos around you. Do not conform. Contrast this with UCU a university where I did my undergrad and the moment we wanted to protest against the unfair fee system in place, a notice was issued by the Vice Chancellor that anyone daring to protest will be immediately expelled… it is as different as day is from night.

Today I was talking to one of my professors and they were telling me I need to develop a back bone and not be a passive receiver. I was shocked. How did I reach a place where the impression I give someone is that I cannot push back? Where is the spunk and the critical mind I used to have? Where is ‘Mary quite contrary’? Then I realized that while I thought I was living a perfect life, not being critical or criticized by anyone, I was killing that person who God had created. I was dousing and drowning out the real me to give way to a person who I thought was more socially acceptable.

I then learnt the lesson that in order to make a difference you need to ‘think bold’. Remove the muzzle you have in your mind.

I have learnt that comfort zones can be what your culture expects of you, what you think God expects from you, religious norms, family expectations, relationships, friendships and so on. As I learnt that the relationship I was in was pulling me down. It wasn’t the guy. It was my thinking. The idea that an African woman should be subservient to the man and respect all his wishes and whatever infusion to their future that she might have should be minimal and made in passing. In that way I killed all my dreams and visions single handedly. And now, that I am out, I have just realized how big the world is. It’s like a blind fold taken off and I can see color and beauty and opportunity. As for me, I realized that once I got out of some things and left a certain way of life of doing the expected and socially approved, I could do exploits. And y’all just watch the space.

The change I want to see, is beginning with me.